HESSEQUA NEWS - Every 12 months our inboxes groan with lists of “unique” gifts “mom would love for Mother’s Day”.
Maybe it’s just me, but you know what moms don’t love? Lists that urge our kids to spend money they don’t have for stuff that has little to do with the bond between mom and child.
I can’t remember, for example, ever pining for a temperature-controlled ceramic mug, a cashmere wrap or wine glasses that say “Keep Calm & Drink Wine” and “Mommy’s Little Sippy Cup”.
The best gifts aren’t things
The best gifts, of course, aren’t things. And the perfect gift for a mom depends on which stage of parenthood she currently inhabits.
Here’s a guide to help you get started:
Stage one: Sleep-deprived and overwhelmed
The stage one mom is so exhausted that impatient, surgery sounds like a tempting vacation. Her offspring rarely sleep, and her rare “breaks” – when a partner, relative or friend takes the kids to the park – are euphemisms for more housework: Throw in a load, empty the dishwasher and start a frozen pizza while downing a glass of wine because – as she tells herself – “Hey, it’s 3:30 somewhere.”
If the kids are too little to create “Mother’s Day”, the bearer-of-breaks should step in. Because here’s what a stage mommom really wants: A day to herself (meaning nobody home). Stash delicious food in the fridge for her. Suggest that she watch favourite shows or read a good book or take a bath (key hint: Clean the tub and set out gorgeous lotion next to clean towels that you washed and dried). Suggest that she take a nap on sheets that you also cleaned.
She will try to thank you profusely. Raise your hand and say, “Stop right there. No thank you necessary today. This is your day – the kids and I are… gone.”
Then don’t come back. For, like, the entire day. 6 p.m. would be good, 8 p.m. would be even better. (She’ll need to wander the house like a zombie for an hour or two because she’s not used to this much quiet.)
Stage two: Underappreciated, and still sleep-deprived
The stage two mom doesn’t see her tweens or teens enough; at least, she doesn’t see them when they’re being nice to her. She’s at the office or asleep (because sleep deprivation is part of her now, like dealing with an overactive bladder after childbirth).
The kids are usually in school, on the soccer field or holed up in their bedrooms. Stage two moms know the kids still live at home because they emerge to tell her how old/lame/unfair she’s being at least once – maybe twice – a week.
The stage two mom would love a gift that focuses on spending a yesteryear-like day with her family: No squabbling, no video games and no grunting noises that pass for conversation.
Go out for a beautiful brunch with everyone showered, nicely dressed and smiling; or take a long hike at her favourite spot (her daughter would keep up and point out her favourite wildflower and smile); or dig into takeout at home while watching an old family-favourite movie together (and laughing at the jokes).
The key component is smiles, because stage two moms want to spend time with people who seem pleased to be with them.
Stage two moms also appreciate a fully washed car. We’re talking cleaning inside and out using old-fashioned elbow grease, paper towels and a vacuum. To go the extra mile, fill the petrol tank and get the oil changed. Other cool ideas for stage two? One kid alphabetised her mom’s spices as a gift. Another created a play list for her iPod. And one teen boy arranged to take his mother out to dinner.
She may be too choked up to respond to these gifts, but she will remember them forever. Expect tears and hugs.
